The Wagner Family

Last Saturday, the 29th, we headed to Philly for our annual trip to the Auto Show. We were worried how J would handle the drive and the lack of naps but he loved it and did wonderfully.

We were both surprised at how excited Joey really was. Joe enjoyed explaining everything that was under the hood and quickly learned not to take the caps off of anything after Joey dunked his hand in some windshield wiper fluid. His hands are still the perfect size to slip into places they don't belong.

Joey spent the majority of his time directing us toward which cars he wanted to see by pointing and shouting "Yeah, more. Me, more",

climbing through Mini-vans and the back of SUVs

and begging us to shut the doors so he could sit inside the vehicles by himself and "drive."

He also spent some time enjoying a strawberry smoothie which, after a couple of doses of benedryl and a couple of days of improvement still had him looking like this

and this

and generally feeling like this.

Sad. We now believe Joey is allergic to strawberries.

I enjoyed the smoothie too but escaped the rash, hives, and swollen eyes. I also enjoyed some Dippin Dots as we walked the streets of Philly in temps well below freezing. Seriously, tell me this does not scream pregnant woman. It's okay, I embrace it :o).

Apparently the Dippin Dots were a good call and Beanie loved them too because as we circled China Town in a maze of one-way streets trying to make an escape, I felt Beanie moving for the first time. Excitement!! I had been waiting so desperately for that moment! Both of my children moved noticeably for the first time while Joe and I were in the car together away from home. Joey kicked while we were stopped at a light outside a CVS in Maryland on the way to my Dad's and Beanie bounced around as Beanie does in a tiny snow covered street in China Town.

I wondered what it would be like to carry a baby for the second time. Would it somehow be less special than the first time because we had already gone through everything once before? This really made me sad. Somehow it didn't seem right, but I really couldn't imagine that this wouldn't be true. Joe has always said that he would be happy with only two children while I have wanted more. The thought of two children did appeal to me though in the sense that it would naturally give each child their own special place that was uniquely their own. Joey would be our first and our second would be our last. Joey would be the oldest and our second would be the youngest. Nobody would be stuck in the middle. Each child, and the experience of each child, would have a reason to be cherished for reasons that were only their own.

Of course, the actual experience of life has a way of answering the questions you ponder about your future. The simple reality of feeling this baby move has highlighted in a way that I would not have predicted the fact that this is a child who is not Joey. This is not simply a second go around at an experience we have already had; it is a new life, a new person who is coming to be, a little wiggly one who will grace the world with a presence that has never before been sensed. When I felt Joey, he stayed in one place and kicked, hard, right from the beginning. Beanie swims all around and bounces gently. No kicking. They are different and each special because they are different and each special, not because one is our first and the other is more than likely our last.

Writing this out makes it seem like a simple truth that should be obvious, but sometimes believing things are true because they seem as if they should be true and knowing they are true for reasons that are you own are two totally different things.

Motherhood has a way of teaching you things in wonderful ways you don't necessarily expect.